live to live...

I wanted to become a doctor...but I ended up as an engineer...I wanted to get out of it at the beginning but I started to like the subject...then I realized I was supposed to go here...and then when I got job I started to hate it again...so I quit the job...then I went to MBA thinking that I can deal with people better than machines...but again when I got into a job I realized people are worse than machines at least machines follow rules people don’t do even that...

Slowly started the bugging to get married...so finally since I have no one in mind got ready to marry the one they showed...but a week before marriage he came up to tell me that he doesn’t want to marry me...because he already loved someone...so asked me to do the inevitable which he can’t “save ourselves by cancelling the marriage” without realizing the fact I could have started loving him...but I did what he asked me to do...cancelled the marriage...then frustration took me all over the place…went all over…and eventually I quit my job...then I wondered why is it like this with me...I always get nothing I want...it’s not like I don’t get what I want but it is like I always get what I don’t want...I wondered why that bloody idiot does all the mistakes with my life only, he has given everyone what they were looking for their choice might be wrong but they got what they want, but my life he screwed up he always gives me what I don’t want...I don’t understand why he hates me so much...

when I said this to people they started to give me their problems as if I'm saying “am the only one with problems...”all I said is they are doing what they want...they are having problems, but they are doing what they want...they choose what they are doing, even the problem solving was a part of it, they choose it, even if they dint know it then, it is a part of it. But for me it’s different…I always end up getting the second choices...it was going all in the way I didn’t want to be. I hate my life.

Then I met him...I don’t know when I started loving him he came as a flash into my life...I remember that day he was staring at me as if I'm a wonder...I wondered then he might have known my past and his looking at me was just an act of sympathizing...after sometime he came and asked me "how did u do that..." I smiled and said "if he can’t be happy, how can I be…"he looked at me confused and said "how did you make that thing sit on its top and still not tip over?"...he was referring to my lipstick...irritated I said I don’t know...I always do that and there is nothing great in that. Realized he was trying to flirt me I left the place...but he looked after me in wonder...

Next time, a few days later he came to my place...I was shocked, irritated…"Are you here to find out how I put that bottle here in that angle then I don’t know...please leave..." my dad came around and asked me who he is…even before I could say anything, he took the charge and introduced himself as my dad's friends son...and gave my dad a book his father wrote…what did I know that day when he touched my dad’s legs that he would do that again along with me a month later...we apologized became friends lovers and then married all in a month…he was an interior designer company owner in USA…he asked me what I want to do with myself the first thing after we landed there…I was not sure… one day he came up with an application form for medical entrance in us...I was skeptical...but I struggled with those concepts of 3 hard months and gave it…on that day...he stood outside the exam hall...later when got into the car...the first thing he did was kissed me I thought his wait was tough...it was for me so must be for him...then he said...”now that you gave it...I want u to know u have 2 options one become a doctor...”when I was about to say something...he raised his hand and said...“I know you will...don’t get into that discussion...and 2nd is join this"...and gave an architecture admission application...and said...the first thing I knew when I saw you was...you are a genius...I was afraid...to talk to you...but then I realized you dint know what you are…you are a born architect…the way you decorated your house...the way you made those things stand the way they all did, but none useless, none out of place, all making sense all necessitating their presence and yet the with the effect look striking is not an act of mediocrity…it had a stroke of genius…I'm an interior designer by choice…and I know now am good at it and enjoy it...and you will do that as an architect...and I know that…but it’s up to you…after all its your life...if you want to do this...else I don’t mind having to consult my family doctor right in my bedroom ”...

I never knew what architecture is...I'm a civil engineer by degree so I know what that is but...then I realized what I loved in my engineering was this...I loved designing things…I loved drawing…and things started to fall in place...god never does mistakes we do...he choose engineering for me he choose this darling for me...he choose to kick me out of my job by getting that guy into my life...I would've become a doctor since I qualified the exam that day...but I didn’t...so now here I am...owner of the biggest infrastructure consulting company in our state my designs are world famous...they are now spreading throughout the world...and most importantly I love what am doing... I’m drawing the shape of the world on paper in my room...I design the world...

P.S: all I wanted to say is not about god and all, but it is we are not born with a purpose on to the earth. Everyone has some skill or the other; we use it to set a purpose to live this life. Some complicate it by thinking that they want something other than what they enjoy doing. They go by trends, image, quasi liking or expertise…and all that. It’s simple, if you define your happiness as an end result of your deeds then that’s your interest or part-time or hobby or whatever you want to call, if you can define it as process…that’s where you belong. Like she gave her definition of happiness as becoming a doctor, or things like that, but later realized, she loves designing the buildings, not getting the paychecks or get famous they are just byproducts.

Regards,

Sekhar.