“Do you know my age”, I asked .
“Yes 23”, the reply was prompt.
“Well I will be 24 this June”, I clarified.
“So what do you say 23 only right” she spat back.
“Haa so to be precise its 23 change”, I answered.
“But you are…fine ok”, she harmonized.
“Well you see all these 23+ years I’ve lived with myself. I’ve been with this self of mine through and have seen everything that is responsible for what I now call ME…and now I’m in love with this self…this is the one person I love the most on this earth…Me…Sekhar”, I looked at her, she was looking back at me confused.
“In all these years I’ve seen the change in me both in psyche & physique.” I continued. “I’ve seen the times when I’ve been a gem of a person and also the times when I’ve been a perverted soul. The spans when I’ve shown the glimpse of a genius and the times when I acted like a stupid. I lived through the days which were roller coaster ride and the days when life seemed stagnant like the silence of night. The phase of life when it looked I had the Midas touch and the days when nothing worked leaving me in despair. I’ve had the minutes before the mirror, which showed an energetic, good looking, confident individual, not wishing to go away from it. And also the seconds when I almost screamed looking at the mirror. The days when I showed off my strength to my friends and family by doing a most strenuous task with ease, and also been through the days when I couldn’t stand without support”.
“But why are you telling me all these” she interrupted.
“Let me complete.” I said through gritted teeth, closing my eyes.
“Sorry”.
I opened my eyes. Turned around, and ambled away from her in haphazard motion but not realizing she was walking with me, maintaining the distance. I stopped looked at the clouds far-off visible from the terrace of our building on which we are standing.
“Please tell me…am sorry”, she pleaded.
I turned around, looked at her. I could see a sincere apology in those wide beautiful eyes. I grimaced at the sight of it. But smiled when saw her make the face that she did. And…she smiled…I Sighed and looked back at the clouds and back at her.
“Dreams”, I continued, while she looked at me puzzled “In all those phases it was dreams that I had for me live in the present. I dreamt my future to help me come over my past to live in the present. The days of despair were overcome by these dreams of hope. The times when nothing seemed to work I used to dream of the days when I would do nothing wrong. These are common dreams that you have or for that matter anyone has, just that I dream with my eyes open looking into that vastness.
“I always loved to dream. Those dreams have always brought smile to my face. A smile, which underscores love for my life I would lead. A smile which once forms on ones lips would never fade away even if does fade only to come back soon with more weightage in their life. These dreams taught me what I want, almost always.”
I now looked back at her. I went near her. “It was not till recently, that I’ve realized what I always saw but never really understood, just thought I did. That is this one common thing in all these dreams. You. It is you , who hold my hand in all my conquering moments, you, who patted my back during all the desperation. I never realized all these years how much I’m in love with you”. I heard a faint scream.
“I say I love you”. I continued. “I love you not because of what you are. I Love you for me, for all the moments I’ve envisioned in dreams holding your hands. For all the moments I will want, not just to dream but to live with you. I love you for the all the dreams which I’ve envisioned and for those smiles after each one. I love you for that smile which spread through my heart when I envisioned my dream of life with you.
“I believe it is you that I want to stand beside me facing the crowd. I believe it is these eyes that I want to see every morning. It is this smile of yours which I want to carry with me to work. It is this person that I want to go to at the times of support. I believe it is this face that has always given me strength and I want this face beam at me when I win. I believe it is that mocking smile of yours be thrown at me to tease me. It is you that I want to see with my mom with a look appreciation in her eyes. It is with you that I want to fight with when you support my father in those battles of ours. It is with you that I believe my sister could find a friend with. It is with you I wish to see the world with. I believe it is you, that I want to come home to see. I believe it is you that I want to have a family with. I know it is you that I want to live this life, I love, with”
I knelt down on one knee took her left hand into my right looked into those watery eyes. “If you believe that I can stand by you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live. If you believe I can understand the wishes of yours, aims and demands of your profession and stand by you. If you believe I can support you in all the endeavors you take up. If you believe that you want to hold my hand in those long walks of yours all your life. If you believe that it is my shoulder you want rest on at the times of trouble. If you believe you want me to be the one stand next to you in those precious times of your life. It is my eyes you want to look into with a sense of pride when you succeed in reaching the moons. If you believe that I can make you laugh your troubles off. If you believe that I would make good father to your children. If you believe that you can still love your life if it snuggles with mine, then…”
