IIT Chemistry-1

“Hey how was it…” I asked Vivek…
“Yeah good…” he said with a wink… “I didn’t even understand what he was saying in few questions there…well that is IIT for you…How was yours…”
“Hmmm dunno…”I said not sure what to say “it was good…I think I did a good job…I mean I could answer up to some 70% of the questions…” I added as an afterthought with a smile “of course not sure how much of those mean any business to the evaluator”
“Oh…but still 70% of questions…it is good at least you understood something out of it and tried answering them…there are people who can’t even understand those many…” he said…

May be because I felt some sense of apprehension that I gave an impression that I didn’t do well, I added… “To my knowledge everything I wrote means sense… and are right and not sure how much contribution they will come up to if I could answer those questions completely…but whatever I wrote they are right and means sense in the context of those questions…”
“Ok…” he said…I felt he understood what I felt…
It took me sometime to realize that we are walking towards the main gate. “Hey why are you going to the main gate.”I asked, “Didn’t you bring your lunch.”
“Oh man sorry I forgot to tell you. There is a marriage of my cousin nearby I’ll be going there now. I cannot stand, sitting here idle for almost 2 hours, and added to it the next exam is chemistry. I don’t think it is even possible to discuss or something. So I thought I’ll go there.” he said.

It came as a shock for me. So now I’ve 2hours all for myself, with none but me to talk to. I didn’t know if I liked it or not. The prospect of being alone was never tiring for me. Is it the same today? I don’t know. But the shock wasn’t much so I thought it is ok, I’m not sure but I better be because that is what I should be if I’ve to survive next 2 hours.
However I told him… “Man this is preposterous. I’ll be all alone for the next two hours. It will be boring like hell.”

When we were waiting for his bus in the bus stop we met with his schoolmate, some Harsh, who happens to be a serious IIT aspirer and has been trained by one of the best institutes in the city, “Ramaiah IIT coaching centre.” During the course of the discussion with him I realized 2 things; 1 good 1 bad. Good is, all whatever I wrote was most part correct and contributed major part of the solution if completed. Bad is, I faltered, after doing the toughest part, at very simple, obvious in some cases, portions and the toughest part though contributes 80% in the solution contributes only 50% in the marks for the problem, according to him. Whatever…within 10 min he got the bus he has to catch…I don’t know where this Harsh has gone…and now I’m all alone…

The exam is about 2 hours from now…I didn’t know how to spend these 2 hours. I have nothing to do, nothing I could think of. I repented for once, not getting some books to the examination centre. I have 2 hours to spend so I thought let me plan so that it won’t be as tough as it can be. I realized that I’ve to eat my lunch. Haa that’s it I’ve half of an hour planned for. I remember the reputation I had as a very slow eater in school and college. That is going to be at my rescue. I should find some place to eat. WOW Jackpot it will take at least some 20 min. Great. Almost half of the time I had to bide is done for…Hurray!!!

I didn’t think of the remaining half that I have. I wanted to be an optimist by saying “The glass is half empty”. Just that the glass here is hour glass which lasts for 2 hours. I didn’t start searching the place instead looked at the watch to find 10 min have already gone by. I hit the Jackpot, I thought. I know I hate losing in a race. But today that is what I precisely want. Now I’m racing with time and I want time to out run me by many miles. But that is the irony. We can never out run time; we can never reach a place before time. But it almost grants you the impossible when you least expect it and more importantly least want it. It grants you a chance to go by its side; hand in hand.

I walked along to find the right place to eat. But as soon as I turned the corner I have seen the place. But I dint consider it and went on to search for a right place to eat. I hated this college I dunno why, no reason I can name or think of…it could be possible that I’m hating it for having to deal with it when I’m hating myself for doing what I’m doing. For having to deal with it in times of my weakness, when I’m doing what I hate to see someone do, pass time for sake of getting through it, thinking when they reach the destination, in a journey of wasting time, that they have won over time in race, when they actually didn’t race and actually gave up even before it started. I remember how much restless I used to be and how my cousin used to make fun of me when I couldn’t sleep in the afternoon. how I wanted to go out in to the scorching sun to do whatever is possible rather than sitting there and wait for the evening. That was when we used to go to my mom’s home town, for summer holidays, in my childhood.

I cannot say if it is the college management or the test organizers that have done it, but everything here is very well planned. They arranged a place…it looked like some parking area or something but looked very neat. Most of the people who came to take the test and those who came along to accompany them were having their lunch there. The place was like “Pushpaka Vimanam”; it looked as if irrespective of how many are there, it always had room for another. But I didn’t want to eat there. Then I went almost all over the college and decided that I would go to the place which I liked first.

It was on the steps, I thought, at the exit of some laboratory. At least it looked as much. I ate my lunch there. While I was having lunch 2 people came and joined me there for their lunch. Later I found that they are some representatives came there to get the hall ticket numbers and phone numbers of the students taking the exam, sent by some well known institutes of the state, which train aspirers of IIT to reach it. However they have come here to find the people who cannot make it this time. So that they can cash these, could-not-makers purpose less need for this IIT, and absorb them into their institutes for the next academic year. I didn’t like this particular practice. Most of those here, taking the exam today want to get through the examination today; at least all those who would want to make it at least next year if this year is not possible. But asking for details so that they can contact in case they fail to do it this year and offer an offer to join their institute, is like saying “we would rather want you to fail this year and get next year after you do our institute 2 favors one monetarily other fame.” That for me is atrocious.

However during my brief talk with those people, while they were taking my details, they informed me that even they don’t like this practice, and told me that they don’t expect me to be there in their institute next year and told me that they think I’ll get through this year. I told them that I wish the same and hope for it but I doubt it. However I assured them that they can’t expect me in their institute for sure.

Once I’m done with the lunch I looked at the watch, to find that I’ve done my lunch in just 20min, however, thanks to the discussion I made up for the unusual fast eating. In fact the discussion took me past my planned time, I, when looked at my watch after a short walk from my lunching spot, realized that I’ve around 55 min to plan for, what would have been 1hr 10 min had it not been for the discussion.
55 min. hmm…I thought, there I‘ll have to go to the exam room at least before 5 min of exam start so that it would be easier for me to get settled and give my best shot right from the word go. So, that means 5 min and to be there at least with 5 min to spare means that I’ve to start from where ever I’ll be before 5 min with all the rush and all hysteria before such an exam it actually should be 10 but since it is second exam of the day much of that will not be seen; what I’d to witness in the morning was enough. Immediately I realized that I was smiling. However even if there is not much rush and all that some 7 min at the place wouldn’t hurt much…so that means 10 are done. 45 min.

I walked from here to there then I again walked back here. Then I would search for some there from where I would come back here. While, I’m in it I told myself that I’m searching for something. In the meantime whenever I come across some student who looked tensed, I thought, how can, someone be so tensed up at anything. I always felt if you know you deserve it you will not be tensed because you will have some unknown, unexplainable air of confidence about yourself, of the kind I-cannot-do-anything-wrong or I-know-that-I-Deserve-this. In my previous exams I used to laugh at those kinds of people. But today I didn’t want to laugh. May be because I somewhere deep down know that, I’m trying to take a similar kind exam where I don’t know if I’ll be able to clear this or not. But the difference is for them they are not sure they like the exam or not but I’m sure I hate it. They are giving an examination whose terms and guidelines are set by others and they evaluate it, but for me I’m everything and still I can’t give good marks to myself, nor modify rules to my convenience. Yet at the sight of those people I smiled to myself not at their tension, but at their doubt on their capabilities.

Once I found this game of going here and there is boring. I sat at a place and started thinking, about nothing in particular. The thoughts roamed from the exam center to college to our lecturers to school to tuition to home to Hyderabad to India to Andhra Pradesh to Hyderabad to childhood to dad to yesterday’s night to next holidays to my childhood’s vacations to this vacation of my cousins which they are enjoying to my predicament to IIT to this exam…Immediately at the thought of the exam I looked at the watch...that’s it…I’m done…as I gathered my stuff and started to exam room, I started to feel the same sensation of winning over time…I felt as if I thwarted it by wasting it. I suddenly felt disgusted at myself and understood what people go through when they feel what I just felt few minutes before.

As I was walking to my seat in the room, I realized that vivek has not yet returned from his cousin’s marriage. It is just few minutes before the start of exam so wondered that he may not be coming or will be late to the exam for the first time to my knowledge since I’ve known him. But as soon as I sat down at my desk, I found that he is talking to the invigilator. So he is in time as always.

Now I’m fully filled with enthusiasm for, I did great job with my Math’s paper, now I’m standing at place from where I can get a good rank in IIT and get into it, and last that I’m happy that I could get through the two hours unscathed from getting bored. I told myself I’ll do well in the exam. The invigilators started giving the question papers, we have to open them once the bell rings marking the start of the exam.

I waited with enthusiasm to get my paper. I’m sitting in fifth position from the start of the line and my line is second in the jurisdiction of our invigilator. The exam room is actually a big auditorium where there are at least some twenty to thirty columns and some 10 to 15 rows. Every set of invigilators (2 of them) are given some 6 or seven columns with all rows to invigilate. The invigilator started distributing the question papers from the line to my left. So I realized that she will have to give the entire left column and then give to the people sitting behind me and then to me…ah…god…I cannot wait…every minute seemed so long to take…I wanted run and get my paper immediately but that is not possible…I suddenly realized the irony…and sat still…when she came near my place while distributing the papers in the left column I realized the invigilators from the first exam have changed and this lecturer is same as the one who did invigilation when I wrote my prelims which apparently is in the same center. Wow good omen…I’m going to do well in this exam I thought…and my impatience increased exponentially…

She slowly, after giving all those who should be given before me, came near me and when I looked at her smiled at me, a smile of recognition, and gave me the paper and told the instructions, not open it till the bell rings and said ALL THE BEST and went ahead….
Hurray…I got the paper…I felt an urge to open the paper immediately not waiting till the bell rings…but I know I’ll have to wait and I will…I didn’t look up from my wrist watch I waited for it to say 2:00…Whenever the seconds hand completes a circular motion of 360degrees it looked deeply to confirm if it is the seconds hand and not the minutes hand…and suddenly its two…but no bell rang…few of the students asked the invigilators that it is time…they said no wait…I was holding the edge of the desk to sit still…suddenly they said YOU CAN START…With a swift motion of the scale, which is ready in its position, I cut the seal…I’m looking at the paper which is my key to the most prominent institute in the country…

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes…This is it I thought. Come on you can do it I told myself…and flipped through the questions in the sheet…suddenly I felt something is amiss…and I knew the answer immediately…I was staring at the page for the examiner to note down his marks for each question I answered…i.e., last paper of the question paper which is also the answer booklet…and which would remain the question paper and will not become answer booklet…I looked up…saw others…I felt like shouting…But I behaved myself…

I looked at the booklet's last page…and I realized I'm looking at another hour to be passed...another hour to be wasted...another hour of race with time...another hour I want to be deleted from my life... I DON’T KNOW ANSWERS TO ANY OF THE QUESTIONS…